I just made a decision that I feel amazing about! This kitchen was clean. I did not make this mess.
I so am glad the kids know how to cook. I am glad they know how to make cookies if they want them. I am glad they know how to rinse rice before cooking it in the instapot.
I am glad they know how to make macaroni and cheese out of a box. I am glad they know how to make sushi rolls and they choose that as a snack!
Starting today, they will each own the kitchen for one week at a time. The week starts on Monday and ends on Sunday. If my husband and I choose to help the girls, they should tell us thank you.
They have been told that they are to clean up after themselves when they make a mess, however, I will not get in the middle of disputes. If your sister leaves a mess, the kitchen is still your responsibility. I will not be held responsible if that sister chooses to pay you back with a bigger mess the following week.
If their sister makes a big mess and does not clean it up, they may quietly tell me and show me the mess before they clean it up. I will make a note and the following week, their sister will be completely responsible for both the kitchen and the bathroom.
“That man is rich whose pleasures are the cheapest.”
Henry David Thoreau
I’m the medical power of attorney and caregiver for my 71 year old cousin Ruth*. She has a terminal, but very slow growing lung cancer that was secondary to colon cancer from about 6 years ago. I have a picture of her from less than ten years ago hanging upside down from monkey bars in her mid-60s.
Ruth has always been healthy as a horse, stubborn as a mule and independent as her favorite animal, the wolf. Wolves are able to take care of themselves. Now she is a resident of a nursing home. She happily paces the halls all day. The staff said they wouldn’t be surprised if she clocks ten miles a day, 1.5 miles per hour….I wouldn’t either.
She’s now docile, cooperative and has a ready smile. She doesn’t want to make waves or even ask for what she needs so she won’t upset status quo. Yesterday as we were returning from her doctor’s appointment, she asked “do you think there’s a day this week I can come to your house for a shower? I haven’t had one since last Wednesday.” I promised to pick her up for a shower after work today, and I did.
As I installed the handheld shower head I kept from her apartment and put her shower chair in the shower, she began to undress. She’s so happy to just take her time alone in a shower. She’s unsteady on her feet and can’t get in and out of the high walled tub alone anymore, so I helped. As I helped her in, I thought what a small and seemingly insignificant thing a warm shower is, but how much it means to her in this moment. There is no concern for privacy or dignity, just a childlike desire for a bath.
Yesterday I had a moment, just a brief moment, of selfish resentment as I thought of giving up my Tuesday afternoon which is one of the only parts of the week I keep set aside to do whatever I want with no one else home….even if only to sit down and get through my piles of unaddressed paperwork. Don’t get me wrong, I take time to read my Bible, write or get my stuff done often….it’s just Tuesdays from 11:30-2, I get the house all to myself and the kids are back in school!
Today as I help her in the shower I imagine myself in her position. I imagine a life where I can’t even take a shower when I want…..Her showers are twice a week at like 6am in a room with another resident and a nurse aid. I think about how she doesn’t ask me to do much of anything. I choose to do her laundry, because I know life is busy and I don’t want forget her for weeks at a time. She doesn’t ask for much, but is always so very grateful for what I offer.
I imagine myself in her shoes, walking the halls of that nursing home day in and day out, without a daily shower and I’m struck with how selfish it was to ever resent giving up a couple hours of my time to give her that pleasure then trim her finger and toe nails. And, I’m writing this post as she showers.
Our human nature is selfish. We think of self. Being like Christ involves standing outside of our desires and looking out for the best interest of others, especially of those who can’t do for themselves.
Dear Heavenly Father, please guard my heart against selfishness and resentments. Keep my heart tender towards the needs of others. Help me to have your perspective and your heart for people. Thank you for those people you have put in my life to remind me that these body’s are temporary and withering away, and that the only lasting thing of significance is our relationship with you. I love you and praise you for who you are! In Jesus name, Amen.
PS: This post is not a rant about the nursing home. There’s usually a reason for everything. I talked to the manager before I picked her up. Ruth told me she hasn’t made them aware of her desire for more showers. She doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers. The manager said that was unacceptable and that she didn’t know Ruth had gone without twice weekly showers. I asked her not to make a big deal of it to anyone, just to make them aware, she’d like them a little more often.
The home has a two shower per week policy generally. Their shower aid was injured so they have a temp in, and they’ve been trying to get everyone showered and hadn’t realized it’s been six days. Her favorite nurse was in the hall and told Ruth that anytime she wants a shower, she just needs to call a nurse in to stand outside the door. She wasn’t aware that was an option.
All’s well that ends well and she’s ready to get out, so I’ll end for now.
If you’ve read to this point, I pray that you’re able to look at all the simple blessings you have today and be truly grateful! We can all find things in life to be unhappy about, but life is far too short to focus on what’s not good.
Tonight a friend was talking to me about a struggle involving her husband. She said “I don’t even recognize him Donna. This is not like my husband.” I asked her if she had ever heard of rebuking spirits in Jesus name. She had not. I told her to call if she wanted to talk about it.
As she shared what happened today, I listened, then I said “we are so distracted by our skin. We so are distracted by what we can see and hear and feel and taste that we completely forget that this world is so much more spiritual than it is physical. Ephesians says that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces.”
I may step on some toes in this politically correct society, because it seems ok to say that God is love, but we can’t acknowledge that Satan exists. If God is the same yesterday, today and forever, then wouldn’t it make sense that Satan is too. We focus a lot on God’s love and grace, we focus a lot on man’s sin, but I believe that by not acknowledging Satan, we give him power.
The Bible says that the “fruits of the Spirit” meaning, the proof that one has the Holy Spirit or God’s Spirit in them is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. If those are fruits or evidence of God’s spirit….what are anger, rage, jealousy, deceitfulness, lust, addiction, depression, and selfishness? Perhaps fruits of another spirit?
Scripture clearly says that Satan or the Devil is not only a liar, but the father of lies….so wouldn’t it go to reason that lying is a spirit that comes from Him?
I believe that each of these “acts of the flesh” are spirits that do not come from God. Sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery which is excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures, idolizing, being involved in witchcraft, hating, discord or disagreements between people, jealousy, rage, selfishness, factions or smaller organized groups within a larger group that don’t get along, envy, drunkenness….I think the list could go on for days!
If it is an act, action or attitude that is not of the spirit of God, I believe it is still spiritual. I believe everything is. We are just so distracted by what we can see that we are blind to what’s going on behind the scenes.
Here’s where it really gets scary. Let’s say someone struggles with an addiction. They get rid of that addiction, but do not replace it with God and His truth. According to Luke 11:24-26, that spirit that left them wanders around, then returns finding that the person has swept clean the house and put it in order. He brings back with him seven other spirits more evil then itself. Sound like relapse?
Now, if God is the same, yesterday, today and forever….let’s see what that means.
When Satan tried to tempt Jesus, Jesus Himself quoted scripture. Guess what Satan did? He quoted scripture back. Jesus used the truth in the Bible to stand up against Satan’s lies. If Jesus had to do this, why wouldn’t we?
In Mark 16:17, Jesus tells us that He has given believers the authority to cast out evil spirits in His name. I used to roll my eyes, just a little, when my mom and grandma would talk about casting out spirits. When my marriage was really struggling, my mom and I stood in every room of my house and prayed against all sorts of spirits which I won’t name because it doesn’t matter…the fact is, there were things going on in my home that didn’t belong there and we knew that only Jesus had the power to break the spiritual strongholds that were present.
Here’s where the “I can’t believe I haven’t seen it before comment came from:”
I believe that I have been living under spiritual oppression since I was 11 years old. I know the day it happened. I can tell you the exact day that self-hatred fell over me like a suffocating blanket. I have had moments of freedom from it, glimpses of internal peace, but never for long. I believe that there has been a spirit of self-hatred holding me hostage for almost thirty years.
That self-hatred was at times so deep, and so intense that I literally believed that if I was to kill myself, my family would be better off without me. One of those times, I had a 5 and a 2 year old daughters. I can tell you intellectually that at the time I was doing some pretty incredible things. I was renovating my house, training for a marathon, and helping people left and right. My life held incredible value….but I couldn’t see it. All that I could think was dark thoughts of ending it all and that being to make the world a better place for my husband and kids who I was pretty sure would fare better without me. Do you see how powerful the enemy’s lies are?
I have been mystified by the intensity of the hate I felt for myself, because I have always known that I was loved by God. I have always known that my family unconditionally loved and supported me, and I have had more people try to tell me the good they see in me over the years than I could even begin to tell you.
A good friend who I have spent two day a week with for almost ten years now told me recently that in those almost ten years, I have never accepted a compliment she has given me. She said “I just keep trying to tell you the good I see in you. I recently thought ‘I know she hears me,’ but you never acknowledge what I say.” I asked her what I do instead. She said “sometimes you change the subject. Sometimes it’s like you didn’t hear me and just ignore me, sometimes you argue with me about how my compliment is not true, and sometimes you deflect my compliment by putting yourself down, but you never just say thank you.”
I wondered how many other people I have done that to over the years. I know for sure that my mom, sister and best friends have tried to tell me the good they see in me over the years, but I always chalked that up to them just trying to make me feel better about myself.
On September 4th at Celebrate Recovery, I took a blue 24 hour surrender chip and told God “I’ve tried and others have tried to help me see my value and worth in this world, but I can’t see it. No one can help me and I can’t do it myself. If I am ever going to stop hating myself and start to value myself, it’s gotta come from you. I surrender my low self-worth to you.”
I thought I was making strides. I wrote out about 15 scriptures and read them day after day affirming my value with the truth of God’s word, then like clockwork, a couple weeks before Christmas, that self-loathing foamed back up in me until I was blinded again. I wanted to run away and live in a cave so people didn’t have to live in my presence. I wanted to glue my mouth shut so I could never offend. I wanted to quietly serve and love people from a distance because I felt that to get close to me wasn’t safe. No matter how much I wanted to love people, I was destined to hurt them.
As I was talking to this friend tonight, I was overwhelmed by the realization that this self-hatred was a spiritual oppression and that in Jesus name, I had the power to rebuke the spirit of self-hatred and self-condemnation.
Praise the Lord that He is able to set us FREE from the law of sin and death! God gave me a word to focus on in 2020….Freedom. I wanted to experience freedom from excess stuff, and freedom from all of my self-limiting, self-hating thoughts. A friend asked me what that would look like? How would I know that I had achieved it? I said “I’ll know when I find myself being as loving, kind, gracious and patient with myself as I am with others.” I was always able to give it to everyone in the world but myself.
In the name of Jesus and by the blood He shed on the cross, I rebuke any spirits inmy life that are not from Him. I rebuke the spirit of self-doubt, self-condemnation, and self-hate. I rebuke the lies of the enemy and all his tricks intended to take my focus off of God’s plan for my life.
Heavenly Father, I pray in the name of Jesus that any places in my life which are left empty that were once filled with those lying spirits are filled with you and your truth so that there will be no place for them to return. I praise you for your goodness and faithfulness. I thank you for placing your Holy Spirit in me to reveal your truth. Thank you for patiently waiting for me to apply the truth of your word to my life, and I thank you in advance for the freedom you’re giving me in this very moment.
I pray that you would keep my eyes open to the deceitful ways of the enemy and give me the boldness to call him out and rebuke him when I notice him at work. Thank you, thank you. In Jesus name I pray….Amen.
If you notice any spirit in your life, in your heart or mind, in your spouse or your kids that is not from God, use the power that Jesus gave you through the Holy Spirit to cast those spirits out in Jesus name. If you have questions or want to talk more about it, feel free to reach out. I myself feel like I’m going to bed a little lighter tonight.
Contagious Joy With Donna Sanchez 