Why me?

Pray for Ava. After dropping off the kids, I was behind this car when it went up onto the medium and crashed into a tree. I immediately pulled my car over and called 911.

She got out of the car shook up but unharmed. I asked her if she would like to sit in my car to wait. She spoke no English. In my very broken understanding, thanks to my Spanish speaking friend, some of the only words I heard were no policia and home. The dispatcher had asked me to wait with her and let them know if she tried to leave.

She asked me to take her home and I wanted to, but then would I be in trouble? And if the police asked me who was driving or where she lives I couldn’t lie to them, so what good would taking her home do. Maybe I should have never called for help, but it was such an odd accident, I thought maybe medical emergency or in this day and age chemical blackout?

As she frantically tried to call someone she knows who was not answering, I prayed. Finally her friend answered and she explained she was on her way to trabajo. Work. There were stick figure children on the back of her van and a fish and a cross….appears to be another believer, a sister in Christ.

I sat silently praying for her as she talked until the flashing lights pulled up behind us. I felt bad for ever pulling over. When the police asked for her drivers license she told him she doesn’t have one.

I started thinking what if I had not showed up? What if I was not there? She probably would’ve gathered her belongings and walked through the rain to her house. I don’t know what would become of the car. I don’t know what story would be told. There would be no witness and possibly, no crime.

My heart breaks. My heart hurts for people who because of their citizenship status in our country live in fear of needing the people the rest of us depend on for a feeling of safety. We know that if we need help, they are three numbers away.

For Ava, those three numbers could disrupt her and her family’s whole world. I don’t have answers. As smoke poured out from under her severely crushed hood, I am faced with the heartsick feeling that I may have just made things worse for her, not better.

When I finish this post, I will go in my warm comfortable house, finish summarizing my Bible reading from this morning, go on a lunch date with my husband, brother and his girlfriend. I will eat, drink and be merry. Ava…I don’t know what Ava’s life will look like today.

Life is not fair. And next time you start thinking life is not fair because of some trivial inconvenience in your life, think of Ava and be grateful.

We have no right to ask God “why me?” about things that suck if we don’t also ask God “why me?” about all the ways that we are incredibly blessed.

I’ve been sitting at Panera’s several days a week for an hour or hours editing my books. Even though I often find myself making new friends, I’m less distracted than I am at home where responsibilities beckon.

Today I’m killing time editing at Panera waiting for my friend Emma to wake up for our weekly Wednesday visit. When I got here there was someone at “my table” by the fire and a lady sitting in one of these leather chairs.

I asked if she minded if I sit in the other. She abruptly said “as long as you don’t expect me to keep you company.” With a smile I said “perfect, I’ll be working on my book.” She simply said “good.”

As I started editing, I thought about how unfriendly she was. I wondered if she was as lonely and isolated of a person as my first impression would have me believe she was. Rude. That’s the word. I just thought she was so rude.

I wondered what in her life was so sucky that this was the best she had to offer in being at least polite. I took a moment to pray for her….mostly so God could help correct the attitude I was starting to get towards her in my own heart.

My table soon opened up and I moved to spread out and work. As I worked I would notice her glance up at me, then look back at the fire. I pretended not to notice because if she was looking for me to interrupt her peaceful moment, she would be disappointed….I learned how to resist the temptation last January.

About 45 minutes in, I was super frustrated! My stupid book table of contents wouldn’t let me add page numbers without screwing up the whole formatting.

I glanced at this woman and thought, she might be grumpy and she might want to be left alone but it’s possible she knows something about tables in Word.

I said “excuse me. I don’t want to be a bother but do you know anything about tables in Word?” She asked me a technical question I didn’t know how to answer so I brought my computer to show her what was happening.

The answer was so simple. I thanked her. She said she needed to go. As she was putting on her coat she said something under her breath about not being late for her follow up doctors appointment.

I asked if everything was ok. She told me she had her appendix out 10 days ago and recovery was slower and more painful than she imagined. I asked her if I could pray with her before she left. She looked at me stunned. Thought for a moment then said “ok.”

As I prayed, God gave me such compassion for her and reminded me that when people aren’t kind, they’re not doing it to us, they’re doing it in front of us.

Mute Mama: Journals from my Month of Silence is now available for purchase on Amazon!

Mute Mama on Amazon

So exciting! It is my prayer that people would find within this book encouragement as they seek to Love God and Love People so they too can experience Contagious Joy!