Before we get too deep into practical ways to love people, I think it’s important that we really understand that scripture talks about several different types of love. The Bible was originally written in three different ancient languages: Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek.  When we read the Bible in English, someone has translated those original words into words that we understand but in that translation, some of the depth of meaning is lost.   

In English, we use the word love for lots of things. God is love.  I love my husband.  I love my kids.  I love my dog. I love the “Breakup Song” by Francesca Battistelli.  I love Chipotle.  I think by looking at this list, we can fairly agree that the word love used for these different things hold different meaning.  I might love my children enough to jump in front of a moving train to save them, but I wouldn’t jump in front of a moving train to save a bowl of barbacoa beef…..even if it is delicious! 

The word love used throughout the New Testament stems from three different words in Greek: agape, storge and phileo.   There is a fourth word for love in the Greek language, eros, even though it is not actually used in the New Testament, this type of love is referred to in both the old and the new testament, so we will discuss it.   

4) Eros love (pronounced: AIR-ohs) is the Greek word for sensual or romantic love.  The term originated from the mythological Greek god of love, sexual desire, physical attraction and physical love, Eros, whose Roman counterpart was Cupid.  

Eros love is one of the primary forms of love that our society likes to focus on. We have placed so much focus on Eros love that even our 10 year-olds think they’re behind the eight-ball if they don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend yet.  It seems that Eros love is the end all and be all of marriages in our society.  We believe that if we are not sexually satisfied in our marriage bed, our marriage is broken and we throw it away in pursuit of Eros. 

God is very clear in the Bible that Eros love is a physical, sensual intimacy that should be reserved for the husband and wife relationship only. Within marriage, sex is used for emotional and spiritual bonding as well as reproduction.  I believe that God intended sex to be a beautiful gift and that He intended us to enjoy it. 

At the root of all sexual disfunction (aside from physical limitations due to illness or injury) is a perversion of Eros love. Pornography, masturbation, childhood sexual abuse and pre-marriage or extramarital intimacy I believe are at the root of all sexual disfunction, but I’ll save that topic for another day…I have a lot to say about it.  

Setting Eros love aside, let’s focus on the three primary words that scripture uses to discuss love:

1) Agape love (Pronounced Uh-GAH-pay) is my favorite and what I’d say is the primary focus of most of what I plan to talk about with love.  Agape love refers to God’s immeasurable, incomparable love for people.  Agape love is perfect, unconditional, sacrificial and pure.  

Jesus demonstrated agape love for God and for people in with the way He lived and in the way He died.  I thought this was fascinating….After His resurrection, Jesus asked his apostle Peter if he loved Him (agape).  Peter answered three times that he loved (phileo – brotherly love) him.  Because Peter had not yet received the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, he was incapable of agape love.  

Agape love is when you love someone that you know you will get nothing back from.  It is the kind of love that God has for us and we are compelled to have for him, ourselves and our neighbor. 

Agape love is the selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love that we are only capable of through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Agape love extends beyond emotions.  Agape love is not a feeling, it is active.  In the last episode, we read in 1 John 4 that God is love and apart from God, we are incapable of love.  The love this refers to is agape love.  I would say we should strive to love with agape love, but since it’s only possible by the power of the Holy Spirit, we should daily ask God to help us love others with agape love.  

2) Philia love (pronounced FILL-ee-uh) is a noun. According to Strong’s concordance, the Greek word phileo is a verb meaning “to show warm affection in intimate friendship.” Whether you call it philia or phileo, it is the type of love in the Bible that Christians are encouraged to practice toward each other.  The love between friends – a strong bond between people who share common values, interests or activities.

In Greek it’s the powerful emotional bond seen in deep friendships. Philia is referred to as brotherly love, which is why Philadelphia is referred to as “the city of brotherly love.”

Philia love unites believers as they care for, respect and show compassion for those in need.  Jesus said that “by this, everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love (philia) one another.”  John 13:35

I found this interesting, philia conveys a strong feeling of attraction, but the antonym or opposite word is phobia…an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something.  I believe this is why Jesus says that perfect love casts out fear.  Fear is the opposite of philia love. 

John 13:34-35 tells us that we have a new commandment to love one another as Jesus has loved us.  By this, all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.  As believers, we are not family by blood, but we should have that sort of union with each other.  If we love each other in a philia kind of way, other people will be drawn to join the family of God. 

3) Storge love (pronounced STOR-jay) describes a natural affection between kinfolk or those brought together with a common bond – often referring to the love between family.  Storge is usually used as part of a compound word.  The bond that develops naturally between parents and children and brothers and sisters.  This is the love Noah had for his wife and family, Jacob had for his sons, sisters Mary and Martha had for their brother Lazarus.  In Romans 12:10, the words are compounded into “philostorgos” love which commands believers to be devoted to one another with brotherly affection. 

The opposite of storge, astorgos, means without love, devoid of affection, hard-hearted and unfeeling. Astorgos is  found several times in the new testament. A lack of storge, the natural love among family members is listed as a sign of the end times.  Romans 12:10 encourages us to “outdo one another in showing honor.” 

God calls his family to love one another with the deep affection of storge love.  It is hard to understand family love if you come from a dysfunctional family who was incapable of that type of love.  If you grew up without a feeling of deep affection for and from your family of origin, ask God to help you understand what storge love should look like. 

In future episodes, I have a feeling I will be referring back to this one.  As a quick recap, these are the four types of love:

1. Agape: unconditional, perfect, sacrificial and pure.  We are only capable of this love thorough the Holy Spirit. 
2. Philia: The love between friends – a strong bond between people who share common values, interests or activities. 
3. Storge: A natural affection between kinfolk or those brought together with a common bond – often referring to the love between family. Usually used as part of a compound word. 
4. Eros: sensual or romantic love

https://garymillerministries.com/blogs/2018/11/3/the-4-types-of-love-in-the-bible

https://www.christiantoday.com/article/god-is-love-understanding-the-3-different-words-for-love-in-the-new-testament/86282.htm

Blindness is a disability.  Webster’s dictionary defines blindness as:

1. the state or condition of being unable to see because of injury, disease, or a congenital condition.
2.  lack of perception, awareness, or judgment; ignorance.

Love is not blind.  Love sees everything and makes a conscious decision to act in the best interest of the other in spite of everything it sees. 

In 1^st Corinthians 13, Paul tells us 15 truth’s about love.  One of them is that loves keeps no records of wrongs.  What does that look like?  How can we keep no records of wrongs and be wise with our resources and our hearts?  If we keep no records of wrongs, does that mean that we turn a blind eye to the things others do that hurt us.  How can you keep no records of wrongs AND set boundaries to keep yourself from repeatedly being hurt in the same way, by the same people?

These are good questions to wrestle with, and I can’t give you all the answers because I don’t have all the answers.  What I will tell you comes from my own world view based on my own experiences and faith. 

I cannot tell you how many memes I have seen circulating on social media to the effect of “if they burn you once, they’ll do it again?”  When they show you who they are, believe them and walk away.  Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.  If you’re not benefiting from the relationship, leave it.  There is what seems to me to be a universal unspoken rule to dismiss people at the first sign that there’s nothing in it for you.  There’s also a knee jerk reaction to walk away from anyone who exhibits any signs that they might want or need something from you.  It’s easier to not be in relationship with “those people” than to be in relationship and try to maintain healthy boundaries. 

My message is not going to be an easy pill to swallow and I believe that by even sharing my views, I am opening myself up to a lot of criticism, which has historically caused me to back down and get quiet about my viewpoint, but at 40 years old, I know what I know.  If you question what I say, please pray about it.  Ask God if it’s right or wrong.  Hold it up to the light of God’s word and if it does not ring true, dismiss it….but please, at least consider that as a society, we have got the idea of love all wrong. 

The kind of love that I am proposing is not ignorant, or blind, but it is not easy either.  America’s version of love says “what’s in it for me?”  The kind of love that Jesus exhibited was not without healthy boundaries, but it was selfless. I believe that is the kind of love that we are called to offer.  

In John 4, when Jesus met with the woman at the well, when He offers her “living water” or an abundant life, He knows that she has had five husbands and the man she is currently living with is not her husband, but He shows her love and grace anyways.  

In Acts 9, Jesus asks Ananias to go to Saul to heal his blindness, Ananias was terrified because he knew Saul was notorious for killing Christians.  Jesus didn’t care how bad Saul was…..He knew that His plan was for Saul, the worst of the worst  was to become Paul…..Paul who would end up writing the 13 or 14 of the 27 books in the new Testament.  Romans, 1 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, 1 Thessalonians, 2 Thessalonians, 1 Timothy, 2 Timothy, Titus, Philemon and it’s up for debate because he doesn’t name himself, but many think he wrote the book of Hebrews. 

This vile man who HATED Jews, who killed Christians….after his conversion became the greatest advocate of Jesus Christ until the day he died by decapitation as a Christian martyer.  He became such a faithful follower and apostle of Jesus that he was imprisoned and faced constant death threats because of his relentless faith.

If Jesus would send His follower Ananias to show love and healing to a horrible man who hated him, how much more would Jesus ask you to love those people around you who are just a little harder to love than most?  

Jesus has called me to love many people who have been very hard to love.  People who act annoyed by the air that I breathe and ask me to stay out of their life, but I feel called to participate in their life.  People who put me down, insulted me as a wife, mother, housekeeper and human being.  Even in the past month, I have been repeatedly cursed at by someone He called me to love. That person less than a month later, is now capable of showing me love.  That is the power of Christ.  

When I say hurting people, hurt people.  I feel that in the very core of my being because people have hurt me in ways that are hard to even verbalize.  CHOOSING to love after being hurt is not easy, but with Christ it is possible.  

It is possible to have someone destroy your marriage and still love them.  It is possible to have a child tell you they hate you and reject you and still love them.  It is possible to have someone steal from you and still love them.  With Christ, it is possible to live a life of love, because the word love, does not mean what our society says that love means. 

The idea of love is so huge that I could spend years talking about it and never fully encompass all that I feel about it so for this video I will end with this:  True love is not possible without God. 

1 John 4

1   Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world.

2   This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God,

3 but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.

4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

5 They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them.

6  We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit ^[1] of truth and the spirit of falsehood.

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son ^[2] into the world that we might live through him.

10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for ^[3] our sins.

11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

13 We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world.

15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God.

16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

17 In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him.

18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

19 We love because he first loved us.

20 If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.

21 And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

My heart is hurting for so many of my friends this morning. So many friend in crisis or out of crisis and trying to learn to live in their new realities after loosing loved ones by one means or another. Friends who are trapped in toxic situations. Friends who have chronic, debilitating illness.

My family watched the Green Mile this week. There is a prisoner who is in there for supposedly raping and killing two little girls. He is a sweet, gentle, sensitive soul and from the beginning you cannot imagine that he would have ever done such a thing.

The first time you realize what happened, Tom Hanks character has something wrong, I imagine kidney stones. Whatever it is, it causes excruciating pain, especially when he pees. This giant guy grabs him from inside his stall and touches that area. The lights flicker and it’s obvious that something powerful is happening and Tom Hanks character is healed.

When he does this, he takes on all that pain and illness and when he coughs, he releases it from his own body. This act exhausts him and then he just needs to rest.

He is able to feel people’s pain and see the truth of their soul when he touches them. He healed a woman who was almost dead from cancer. He healed a mouse that had been crushed under a man’s boot. When he sees someone hurting, he says “I just want to help.” It turns out he was trying to save those two little girls, but he was too late. He didn’t have the power to save them. Because there was no way to prove it, in the end, he still ended up dying on death row.

I feel a kinship with this man…the problem is I have no way to take people’s pain, emotional or physical or to heal what is broken. I have a deep desire to heal what is broken, and so much in our world is broken. Then sometimes I feel myself well up with a righteous anger that wants to correct those who are hurting others through their actions, but that is outside of my control….it’s outside of my hula hoop. What is in my power is to listen, to love and to pray.

I thought I’d share one of my favorite affirmations with you this morning. It is a thought that soothes my soul and reminds me that God is sovereign, even in the messy stuff…..even when life isn’t fair. Even when people hurt people badly.

“One day, I will stand before a Holy and righteous God and account for my every word, thought and action. God will not ask me what prompted that behavior, He will not care if I “felt” justified in it and I will be without excuse. He will not take into consideration someone else’s part in my sin, just mine.”

The comforting part of that affirmation is that it applies to every other person on earth. We will each be held accountable for our words, thoughts and actions. Nothing escapes God’s awareness. Romans 12:19 says “it is mine to avenge says the Lord. I will repay.” We just have to trust that He is sovereign when we’ve been hurt and that however He chooses, He will be just in handling those who hurt us.

Psalms 139 talks about how God is aware of every aspect of our lives, including our thoughts. There is no where that we can run that He’s not already there.

Our part is to seek God in how we can still be in His will and without sin in how we process our pain and even our fully earned anger. How can we live and love as Christ did and commands us to, even in the midst of debilitating pain?

I believe the answer is we can’t….at least not in our own power. We have to rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to walk through pain and illness with grace. And those of us standing on the outskirts of the pain of our loved ones need wisdom and discernment for how to walk alongside and love well.