I hate to admit to character weakness because I find my strength in Christ and honestly, I pride myself in NOT sweating the small stuff. Today, I’ve been sweating the small stuff in stupid ways!

I’m a writer. I’ve been a lot of things that I really enjoy, but in the past year or so, I have become a writer. I’ve always written, but writing has become who I am. That’s what I do that brings me great joy, fills me with purpose and feeds my soul. I don’t just write, I feel called to write. I feel compelled to write. I feel equipped by God to write.

About two weeks ago, my computer started getting glitchy. It went from kinda glitchy to automatically shutting off within seconds of turning it on. Luckily it stayed open long enough to backup the pictures and documents. My husband said he saw my computer sitting on a wet table one day recently. Maybe that did something?

He took it to the repair place. They thought it needed a new logic board. $500. We paid $800 three years ago used. I didn’t want to put $500 into it not knowing that would certainly fix the problem.

My kind husband bought me a new MacBook Pro. I take this as proof that he is supporting my calling as a writer, which means a lot to me. I told him I’d be happy with a $300 laptop with Word for writing my books and enough storage space for the pictures and videos I delight in taking to remember my crazy busy wonderful life. He spoiled me replacing my MacBook Air with a Pro.

I’m like an 80 year old with technology. I get frustrated by things I don’t understand and I start talking to it as though it is out to get me. I hear myself doing it and I cringe. It’s annoying. I stomp my feet as I whine “I HATE TECHNOLOGY!” But I love technology. It’s what I do. I love to share my life, my insights and my wisdom on technology.

So I have this new super awesome gift of a computer. I can’t get the trackpad to click the way my other one did. It didn’t come with Microsoft Office so I can’t use Word and I can’t update my excel spreadsheets with current information filling my dining room table. Everything that I did with ease on my old computer feels overwhelming now.

I have pictures. I have about 20 photo albums with about 200 printed pictures each, yet I haven’t printed pictures since 2011. I told myself I couldn’t print more years until those were organized, but I had too many. I take pictures of everything because I forget and pictures help me remember. Now I have tens of thousands of pictures not super organized or printed. 2011-2016 are locked up on a storage device called “The book.” It got glitchy a couple years ago and stopped working. Everything from my last computer that went bad is locked up on there. Then I’ve got 2016- current on this one.

My phone has 2,400 pictures on it. I want to keep a few of my favorites to remember my favorite memories and delete the rest, but I feel like if I delete the rest, I’ll lose my memories. I LOVE pictures. I love memories. I’m overwhelmed by all my pictures and memories.

Overwhelmed. That’s how I’m feeling. I want to write. I want my computer to be easy. I want my pictures to be organized. I want to feel like putting away my laundry, but I don’t. I’m mentally distracted so doing the everyday….it’s not happening. I’m wasting days. I feel grumpy and overwhelmed.

I got so grumpy about my technology frustrations that I started snapping my kids heads off about kitchen messes and stupid stuff. I let myself start sweating the small stuff and before you know it, my rosacea face gets red and my blood pressure raises… and all over a blessing.

Feels like an entitled brat kinda feeling to have. I’m frustrated over an expensive gift that I just haven’t learned how to use properly yet. I’m told “feel your feelings.” I’m working on acknowledging my feelings, then choosing joy. I used to attempt to jump straight to joy. If I got grumpy, I would really think it was about the messy kitchen or whatever. Now I’m able to acknowledge that I’m feeling inept, frustrated and defeated by technology.

I believe that by acknowledging what’s ACTUALLY going on, I will be able to return to joy genuinely and quicker. I believe acknowledging what I’m actually feeling before dismissing it will help me be a better wife, mother and friend. So there it is. I’m frustrated by technology and I’m totally sweating the small stuff. I felt it, I said it, and now I’m choosing to return to joy.