I love the song by Casting Crowns called “Nobody!” It says “I’m just a nobody, trying to tell everybody, all about the somebody who saved my soul.” Pretty sure they wrote that song just for me, because that’s who I am. In the scheme of things, I really am a nobody, but aren’t we all?

The thing is…I don’t want to become a “somebody.” I already have people everywhere who remember my name and I can’t remember theirs. I know that I know them, but I don’t know where I know them from. I feel like this could make me seem like I don’t care. It’s just that I care too much about too many people to keep all the names straight. I’ve gotta overcome that fear.

This week, Bea and I were at Kroger and a man said “Hi Donna.” I recognized his face, but didn’t know where from. We talked for twenty minutes. He mentioned Becky and the name of my last church, so dots started coming together, but I never placed a name or a story. Bea said “you didn’t even know him did you?” I explained that I know that I know him, but I couldn’t remember specifics. She asked “then why did you spend that time with him when we were in a hurry?” I said, “because he matters.”

“He matters to me, because he matters to God.” He was talking about faith, and also about food addiction. Something God has shined a light on the path out of for me. He has a significant amount of weight to lose and I know how to break the flour/sugar/craving cycle in the brain that keeps him stuck. Should I withhold that information?

Two days later, at Aldi, a young lady said “Hi Donna! So good to see you! How are you?” I said “great, how are you?” She asked what I’m up to and I asked what she’s up to. She mentioned her kids and I said “how old are they now?” When she said five and eight, I knew I don’t know her from my kids classes……but where? I still don’t know. I get a sick feeling in my belly that if people knew I couldn’t place where I knew them from, they would feel insignificant. This is where my fear comes from.

***

Another concern is that I have a large circle of people around me who know me….really know me….and they love me deeply. I don’t want anyone to love me because they think I’m “somebody.” I don’t want money, although I promised Sanchez a screened in back porch if my books end up selling. I don’t want public recognition. I don’t want clout. The tricky part is that if I want people to be willing to read the books I write or listen to the words I speak, they have to believe that it will be worth their time.

I’ve been told that I have to make a name for myself. I don’t like that idea. It feels like I’d have to say “look at me, look at me!” I decided I’d just start putting stuff out there and if God wants it to take off, it will. In order to put stuff out there in a way that people can recognize it’s from me, I was told I need to be “branded.” Have a logo or branding that is recognizably me. I’m gonna have to rely on the smart people around me to help out because I don’t even know where to start with all this. Luckily my husband, friends and family know stuff I don’t know, like how to build websites and make logos.

I thought about just having a title, like a business name. I wondered if I could just write as “Contagious Joy.” I thought of writing under a pen name because I thought “who would read something written by someone named Donna Sanchez?” A friend said “who wouldn’t read because of that name?” She helped me realize it was my own insecurities that kept me from believing that who I am is good enough, so against everything in me, I decided on the website donnasanchez.com and branding with my name.

My cousin who does graphic design came over to help me make a logo. She wanted to know what I wanted my logo to say about me. I told her I’m very simple. I want it to be simple. I like the name contagious joy because I want to share the joy of the Lord with others in such a way that it infects them and they in turn share it with others. I don’t want anything that looks fancy, elegant or pretentious because that’s not me, and I love to have hearts on my I’s!

She sent me several options and this one I loved! Thank you Emily!