“That man is rich whose pleasures are the cheapest.”

Henry David Thoreau

I’m the medical power of attorney and caregiver for my 71 year old cousin Ruth*. She has a terminal, but very slow growing lung cancer that was secondary to colon cancer from about 6 years ago. I have a picture of her from less than ten years ago hanging upside down from monkey bars in her mid-60s.

Ruth has always been healthy as a horse, stubborn as a mule and independent as her favorite animal, the wolf. Wolves are able to take care of themselves. Now she is a resident of a nursing home. She happily paces the halls all day. The staff said they wouldn’t be surprised if she clocks ten miles a day, 1.5 miles per hour….I wouldn’t either.

She’s now docile, cooperative and has a ready smile. She doesn’t want to make waves or even ask for what she needs so she won’t upset status quo. Yesterday as we were returning from her doctor’s appointment, she asked “do you think there’s a day this week I can come to your house for a shower? I haven’t had one since last Wednesday.” I promised to pick her up for a shower after work today, and I did.

As I installed the handheld shower head I kept from her apartment and put her shower chair in the shower, she began to undress. She’s so happy to just take her time alone in a shower. She’s unsteady on her feet and can’t get in and out of the high walled tub alone anymore, so I helped. As I helped her in, I thought what a small and seemingly insignificant thing a warm shower is, but how much it means to her in this moment. There is no concern for privacy or dignity, just a childlike desire for a bath.

Yesterday I had a moment, just a brief moment, of selfish resentment as I thought of giving up my Tuesday afternoon which is one of the only parts of the week I keep set aside to do whatever I want with no one else home….even if only to sit down and get through my piles of unaddressed paperwork. Don’t get me wrong, I take time to read my Bible, write or get my stuff done often….it’s just Tuesdays from 11:30-2, I get the house all to myself and the kids are back in school!

Today as I help her in the shower I imagine myself in her position. I imagine a life where I can’t even take a shower when I want…..Her showers are twice a week at like 6am in a room with another resident and a nurse aid. I think about how she doesn’t ask me to do much of anything. I choose to do her laundry, because I know life is busy and I don’t want forget her for weeks at a time. She doesn’t ask for much, but is always so very grateful for what I offer.

I imagine myself in her shoes, walking the halls of that nursing home day in and day out, without a daily shower and I’m struck with how selfish it was to ever resent giving up a couple hours of my time to give her that pleasure then trim her finger and toe nails. And, I’m writing this post as she showers.

Our human nature is selfish. We think of self. Being like Christ involves standing outside of our desires and looking out for the best interest of others, especially of those who can’t do for themselves.

Dear Heavenly Father, please guard my heart against selfishness and resentments. Keep my heart tender towards the needs of others. Help me to have your perspective and your heart for people. Thank you for those people you have put in my life to remind me that these body’s are temporary and withering away, and that the only lasting thing of significance is our relationship with you. I love you and praise you for who you are! In Jesus name, Amen.

PS: This post is not a rant about the nursing home. There’s usually a reason for everything. I talked to the manager before I picked her up. Ruth told me she hasn’t made them aware of her desire for more showers. She doesn’t want to ruffle any feathers. The manager said that was unacceptable and that she didn’t know Ruth had gone without twice weekly showers. I asked her not to make a big deal of it to anyone, just to make them aware, she’d like them a little more often.

The home has a two shower per week policy generally. Their shower aid was injured so they have a temp in, and they’ve been trying to get everyone showered and hadn’t realized it’s been six days. Her favorite nurse was in the hall and told Ruth that anytime she wants a shower, she just needs to call a nurse in to stand outside the door. She wasn’t aware that was an option.

All’s well that ends well and she’s ready to get out, so I’ll end for now.

If you’ve read to this point, I pray that you’re able to look at all the simple blessings you have today and be truly grateful! We can all find things in life to be unhappy about, but life is far too short to focus on what’s not good.